How do you find the one?

Carol and I have been together over three decades. In toasting Amanda and Lance at their wedding I told the crowd that it would have been longer if Illinois didn't have those pesky laws against dating fifth graders.

The seventeen year old daughter of a friend of ours recently experienced the bitter sweet -to older observers - and devastating - to her -experience of breaking up with her high school sweetheart. In her misery she told her Mom, "I just want to find the right person and get married and have children and live a happy life."

When told about this, my response was that at seventeen she needed to go to young people she knew and respected that were twenty two or older. She needed to ask these young folk about how they had changed between seventeen and twenty two. My point is that at seventeen you don't even know yet what you will have to offer Mr. Right. Why short change the poor smuck when in just a very few short years you could allow yourself to grow into something wonderful and could have a powerful something of substance to offer a life partner.

I wish I could say that Carol and I have been sweethearts since childhood. Alas, you do the math on my age and the number of married years mentioned above and you'll see this wasn't the case. Carol wasn't my first wife. This makes me a somewhat expert on picking the wrong person, and then picking the right person. Through high school Amanda or one of her friends would ask about how to find the right person to spend a life with. My formula is a simple one. But, to work it has to be completely understood and completely followed.

Each one in the relationship must love the other more than themselves.

That's it. Simple. Only, it has to work both ways. No matter the breadth and depth of love one may feel for the other it won't be enough to save the relationship unless reciprocated.

So, my little seventeen year old friend, time is on your side, so take it. Grow into your fullest potential and keep your eyes open for that fella that will end up loving you more than himself. Then see if you feel the same way.